(2015). PEP Video Grants, 1(1):4
Mind Your Mind, Episode 2: Driven
is a source of and depth. But it is silly and funny. And it gets us into all kinds of trouble. In Mind Your Mind Episode 2, Dr Heath explores what drives us. It has to do with love, connection, and . From the Psychoanalytic fields of and comes this adventure of discovery. Our comes out in the way we act; pay and be entertained!
DR. HEATH: What is love?
Hi. I'm Dr. Heath with Mind Your Mind. I'm on a quest to understand something. Here's the question. What motivates people? What is ? What is love? See, there's an that drives people, but this comes from a basic need. It's the very that connects people.
So it may be that all of our motivations-- from love to work to friendship, belonging, -- all come from this basic . And . And even some , like are of this .
You can see this , even in . A baby adores its , and the generally adores her baby. With this of the , the baby learns that it's safe to love, even to love herself. Is kind of like the baby makes an of the in her own head.
Then, around age four, different stuff starts happening. Kids start realizing, wait a second. Mom has relationships with other people, too. Wait, should I be jealous? Kids all deal with this in the same way, by taking an aspect of the grownups around them. These are big changes. In fact, this increased ability to see the big is part of the way kids become ready to start school. Ooh, can I have that green?
Of course, what kids take in depends on their experience. Is one's sense of morality, for instance, out of for others and striving to be good and kind? Or is our are harsh, punishing one?
So the that-- oh, I don't need you in this scene. Sorry. The that lives in us can be applied in many ways. But what's this? Nah, you can't really see the . You can see the way manifests. It drives and curiosity.
So like a light bulb, you don't really see the electricity, only the light coming out of the electrified filament. So we have a name for this, a . Lots of things can be cathected.
So in relationships, there are a lot of these emotional investments. The love for the other person. The curiosity about what will happen next. Even the at the ending of the evening. These are all examples of these emotional investments. Even at the ball game today, the emotional investment that the players have with the game and the one that we have with the game are all examples of this. Oh, man. I missed it. I'm going to take my seat.
But what do we see when we look at the other person? Are we emotionally investing something more abstract, like hope or nostalgia? In fact, if we're limited by our expectations, we might only see what we want to see of the other person. But then again, that's not really seeing the person, right?
This view that we have in our head of the other person becomes really powerful. We might even get the other person to act in a certain way and not even realize it. For instance, if you think somebody doesn't like you, and if you're a jerk to them, they're probably not going to like you. Voila, your expectations become accurate.
There's something that's the opposite of expectations, more like true intimacy, where there's a creative space in the interaction between the two people. There's even words for this. A psychoanalyst named Winnicott calls this a . A space that's not a space. More of a spiritual space.
So let's see that played out. In this first example coming up, the guy's not able to creatively engage with his date. All he can talk about is himself.
WOMAN: So what were you doing earlier today?
MAN: Me, me, me, me. Me, me, me.
WOMAN: Oh. Um, well, when was the last time that you had an oil change?
MAN: Me. Me, me, me.
WOMAN: Ugh, this is awkward. He's only talking about himself. How can I get him to engage? Interesting. I had a similar experience like that as well.
MAN: Me. Me, me, me, me.
DR. HEATH: Instead of a , she's only an to him. There's not a creative space between them. So she's rightly mad. Let's see an example where there's more of an engagement.
MAN: I just moved out here from Seattle, actually.
WOMAN: Oh, my gosh. I love Seattle. The markets that are up there.
MAN: Yeah! They do, like, the farmer's market with the apples.
WOMAN: Oh my gosh. So good. The biggest.
MAN: So do you go up to Seattle often?
WOMAN: Just once a year. I've got some family up there.
MAN: That's really cool. Yeah, I love it there. Mainly, it's like the weather.
DR. HEATH: So here, there's an emotional investment, a mutual curiosity and discovery. It's like this potential creative space between them itself is invested.
Oh, but Dr. Freud, people misunderstand you. You know this creative , it's all one . And it started with my love for my . It's all about love.
DR. FREUD: It's not about cigars or about theories. Understanding ourselves gives us freedom to love and create.
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Heath, A. (2015). Mind Your Mind, Episode 2: Driven. PEP Video Grants, 1(1):4