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Ruiz, P. (2001). An Evolved Male. Gender and Psychoanalysis, 6(2):169-181.

(2001). Gender and Psychoanalysis, 6(2):169-181

An Evolved Male

Patrick Ruiz

Patrick Ruiz is a 45-year-old who did not begin his transition from female to male until the age of 42. Raised in a Hispanic family in Southern California and the Southwest, he now lives as a single parent in Boston where he is developing his own businesses. I have left Patrick's autobiographical statements in questionnaire form [EDITOR's NOTE].

1.   How did you see your gender identity as a child compared to your peers, and what were the early signs of gender dysphoria?

When I was a child, I played dress-up, but I used my dad's clothes (and only when my parents were away). I walked around wearing dad's big coats and shoes, rolling up the cuffs on his pants so that they wouldn't drag on the floor. I fantasized about wearing wingtipped shoes. Sometimes when I was in the bathroom getting ready for my nightly shower, I would lock the door and lather my face with his shaving cream. I removed the blade from the razor, and shaved the cream off, using dad's techniques (i.e., stretching the face to get the upper lip, etc.). I would also use the shaving cream to simulate what I would look like if I had facial hair. All of these activities would make me feel good at the time, but guilty afterwards because I knew that the adults would disapprove of my behavior.

One incident I remember that involved gender was during Christmas. I had received two gifts from my parents: a racecar from my dad, and a walking doll from my mother. The car was a steel Indy style racer, painted white with red and blue trim. It was about 12 inches long, and the head and shoulders of the driver protruded from the cockpit.

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